For Sale: Several Years of my Life

I've been very pensive over the past few weeks, and, after a bit of reflection, I've realized that several of my 33 years of my life have not been the greatest. Not to me at least, though I'm sure other people might enjoy them. However, I do not care to hang on to them, so I would like to announce this amazing, one-time offer!

You have the opportunity to buy a year of my life! All years are in good condition, though previously used. Ownership of such years could be a good thing for those who are looking to get back to their childhood or want to remember how much youth can suck. You could even get one for someone as a gift!

The following years are for sale:

Year 5: This is the year that I started school and began to lose hope for signs of any intelligence in my generation. It didn't help that this was the year that my brother got a water cannon and spent the entire summer testing it on me. Ailments this year included one broken left arm.

Year 9: I didn't really have many friends this year, because we moved three times. People who enjoy solitude should consider this year. This was partially a happy year, because we left Arizona and moved to Oregon. No major physical ailments this year.

Year 13: Ah, the descent into typical teen angst. This would be a great year for someone who enjoys the overly dramatic, featuring many shouting matches, slamming doors, and even throwing occasional books and vases across the room. Exciting. Physical ailments this year included a broken right arm and a bruised sense of independence.

Year 15: The year I spent in boarding school. Not a pleasant situation at all, but if you've always wondered what a lock-down institution was like, this just might be the year for you! This year takes place in Provo, Utah, though you have no access to the nearby skiing.

Year 17: Senior year at a Catholic high school. This affirmed my original speculations during kindergarten concerning a lack of intelligence in my generation. This year was spent being generally disliked for standing up for myself and my principles, but then trying to convince myself that I didn't need any friends anyways. Great year for someone who thinks that they wasted their 'wonderful' high school years.

There you have it. Unlisted years are possibly for sale upon inquiry, but the above listed are the ones that I'm truly interested in getting rid of. My asking price per year is 73 mangos, though I may be willing to sell to the best offer, or work out a barter of some sort. For further information concerning sales, or the conditions/experiences of each year, simply contact me.