Adapt-O-Bot

adapt-o-bot at your services.
running low on cash? take the shelves out of
your big closet and call it a room..
ask $1600 for it and claim that if I pay less,
you wouldn't be able to live there.

no problem.
adapt-o-bot,
culturally adaptive,
fully modular unit.

can accomodate all life styles..
you're a lush, loser who hasn't gotten over childhood issues?
no problem, i'll smack you around- subtlely, you won't even notice it.

you're a 'professional' who wants to perpetuate the myth that
you're some kind of computer whiz because you are making over 6 digits
and your parents get confused when you describe your job duties?
no problem, i roll up in a landrover and we talk about post-dotcom crash
options like finding spirituality and finally doing what you really
wanted to do.

you're a new age, loving, healthy vegan (who lives in the city)?
no problem. adapt-o-bot takes you to Rainbow to shop for organic mushrooms
and always remembers to bring the cloth tote bags. i don't eat animals,
can discuss the bardo thodols and understand your wavering redefinition
of 'it's all good'.. even when your cool hippie friends are being condescending
snobs because their trustafarian, dreadlocked heads can't accept anything
outside of their elite 'beautiful' culture.

are you grease? indie rock forever, or the real thing?
i'm on the floor helping you fix a car, we chat over beers about
how shit was built better back in the day.

art scool unveiled? are you the real deal.. no bullshit?
willing to wash dishes to afford studio space? watch me
slide into your life like good sex, smooth entry- all your
friends think i'm cool already.. i know who you're 'supposed to'
know, and simultaneoulsy don't give a fuck. i got money for art
supplies. eventually, i become your favorite new art project.
i understand the need to use chemicals to dull your inhibitions,
just don't tweak.
i get what you do (or don't) if you want it to be that way.
your fantasy remains yours.

art school for the corporate sector?
graphic design for banner ads on the net? no prob. i get it,
you need to survive somehow or maybe that art shit was too tough?
fuck starving! you could meet someone and just settle down, right?
the job's benefits are good, right? i'm there to make you feel like
you still have a soul. adapt-o-bot keeps your house painted fucked
up colors, we never watch TV and discuss new media theory from a
grassroots perspective, we also talk about terrible hollywood movies'
special effects and 3d rendering technology when people from your job
are over for some obligatory social reason.

sports fan? like to get that testosterone on?
adapt-o-bot outjocks you. while you're in the room watching
football on the 'tele', i got espn, espn2 and 2 other stations, pictute
in picture projected on the backside of the house as my frat buddies
tend to the bbq and keg. no prob, you're still the star. i'm low key
but if you talk to me i've memorized all the stats.

are you not from the states? just arrived here from europe and think
americans suck? i can bond with you about the fact that you can't get
a proper cup of tea in this town and that americans are stupid becuase
they are self-centered, arrogant, bubble-gum chewing overweight fucks.
i'm fluent in 4 languages. i can even impress your euro friends with
my knowledge of underground electronic music and cross my legs like a
lady when i sit. i never wear white socks.
or perhaps you are latin? i got that soul too. don't worry. i can
work 3 women on the dancefloor and just ride, cruisin holmes. we eat lunch
at 3pm on sundays and it lasts until the sun goes down. life is good.

u 'down with the scene'? 'no, man, like you don't know,
i've been down forever and shit.' it goes waaay back. 'yo- old school 4 reals'.
but that doesn't matter, the new going out is staying in. house music
sucks. minimal techno takes the mtv award 2002. it's all about AI, plants
and beats.. realtime graphics so we don't have to do anything anymore and let
the real voices be heard. or is it about linn drums distorted as fuck
because i'm coming off raw-like?
hmmm.. adapt-o-bot's got range of motion.
this sector is shared. as your modular roommate you get to use my studio as long as you keep the weed coming and know when to fuck off because i'm wrecking shit on my gear. or i can switch into sophisticated 20th century new composer mode. forget stockhausen and his graphical scores, i've got realtime 3d spatially mapped compositional structures made in LISP that stockhausen would never admit were cool because he's chilling in sirius.

bopping hip hop? i got break records from 87. adapt-o-bot is always
cool. not one to interfere with your steez. in fact, i enhance it.
we cruise in the navigator with the dvd players locked on some raw,
Japanese DMC championship, whatever- just in the background.. we're
rocking our own cannbibal ox remix over the 20's. one to never play
wack music at home and to constantly elevate thoughts, attitudes,
postivity.

plane jane. word. laura ashley is cool with me. i'm adapt-o-bot,
it would be fine if you left your stuffed animals in the living room.
i want them to feel at home.