Friday, February 03, 2006

One-Night-Stand Boy: I have a small request

One night stand boy,

Thank you for buying me all those fancy, lime-flavored drinks, and thank you for listening to me as I got tipsy and rambled on. Thank you for taking me home and fucking my brains out, thank you! Thanks for being a good guy and having condoms with you, and for wanting to use them, and being a responsible person. Thank you for needing to use more than one, and for having a huge dick. All in all, a wonderful one-night-stand experience.

I realize that men are not all as enthusiastic about clean up as women, and that you as an individual may not be as fastidious as I am. So thanks for dealing with the used condom. Thank you for not just throwing it on the floor next to the bed like one guy I dated, who also threw his dirty socks and underwear next to the bed and thought I would pick them up and wash them (he did not stay long). Thanks for getting up, even though you just came, and going to the bathroom to throw away the condom. Hopefully you tied it, and your potentially infectious bodily fluids will not spill. (I do think most men know by now not to throw it in the toilet, but thanks anyway for not doing that.)

I know all of this was a lot to ask in exchange for a night of hot sex. I do, however, have just one more request to make. Look at my bathroom. Look at the trashcan. It is one of those little blue bathroom accessories and it matches the other accessories. There isn’t much in the bathroom trashcan. Some cotton balls, maybe a Kleenex or two, the packaging from an eyeliner I recently bought.

A few months ago a certain hot one night stand threw his condom in the trash on top of all the q-tips, and since I was pretty much passed out in the bedroom after a fantastic orgasm (thanks!), he then got dressed and left. Several hours later, around 4 a.m. I got one of those emergency calls to go pick up my recent ex, who had been in a car crash--nothing dangerous--and was unable to drive home. He was upset, and lonely and of course I brought him to my house because I thought he needed company. I did not know at this point that there was a used condom staring up out of my bathroom trashcan. As you can imagine, my ex was less than thrilled and I did not get any sleep that night.

I also occasionally have more than one one-night-stand in a weekend. I do try to clean up after them, but sometimes with the hangover and the going out again, things are not as tidy as I would like them to be. And when I bring a guy home, a used condom in the trash is not really a sexy accessory. I know, it’s my house and I should clean it. I know, I’m a slut (but you weren’t complaining last night). So, given that the bathroom is full of handy things like toilet paper and Kleenex, would you mind terribly wrapping the condom up before you throw it away? I promise to give you a great blow job in exchange for your consideration.

10 Comments:

At Saturday, February 04, 2006 8:24:00 PM, Blogger Wendi Chitwood, inBloom Photography said...

These are 2 of the funniest stories I've ever read...I just had to tell you that:) Really cheered me up, and I think I know what I'll be getting myself for Valentines Day!

 
At Sunday, February 05, 2006 8:32:00 PM, Blogger AJL said...

Funny stuff.

I like vibrators too.

 
At Sunday, February 05, 2006 9:56:00 PM, Blogger neal said...

great stuff, you are asking alot with this last one...
The condom is like an, 'I was here' mark. If you remind us, we will of course be happy to obey, especially after a great blow job.
But to think of it on our own...
We are men.
Although, I will try the next time I'm on a one nighter.

 
At Monday, February 06, 2006 1:26:00 AM, Blogger dettadwiarto said...

i love the story...

 
At Monday, February 06, 2006 3:11:00 PM, Blogger HST said...

Great story my dear! They never complain about sluts when they are getting laid do they?

 
At Tuesday, February 07, 2006 12:11:00 AM, Blogger admin said...

Haha Haha Haha

 
At Tuesday, February 07, 2006 1:24:00 AM, Blogger Widarchitect said...

Found your blog on the 'next blog' button and I love it!
The funniest and most honest stuff I've read in ages..

 
At Tuesday, February 07, 2006 10:29:00 AM, Blogger jofarino said...

GREAT BLOG

 
At Wednesday, February 08, 2006 10:31:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

great blog...keep it up....Thanks for the advice about the rubbers...Looking forward to further stories...

 
At Thursday, February 09, 2006 11:53:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fucking Awsome!

 

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