One-Night-Stand Boy: I have a small request

One night stand boy,

Thank you for buying me all those fancy, lime-flavored drinks, and thank you for listening to me as I got tipsy and rambled on. Thank you for taking me home and fucking my brains out, thank you! Thanks for being a good guy and having condoms with you, and for wanting to use them, and being a responsible person. Thank you for needing to use more than one, and for having a huge dick. All in all, a wonderful one-night-stand experience.

I realize that men are not all as enthusiastic about clean up as women, and that you as an individual may not be as fastidious as I am. So thanks for dealing with the used condom. Thank you for not just throwing it on the floor next to the bed like one guy I dated, who also threw his dirty socks and underwear next to the bed and thought I would pick them up and wash them (he did not stay long). Thanks for getting up, even though you just came, and going to the bathroom to throw away the condom. Hopefully you tied it, and your potentially infectious bodily fluids will not spill. (I do think most men know by now not to throw it in the toilet, but thanks anyway for not doing that.)

I know all of this was a lot to ask in exchange for a night of hot sex. I do, however, have just one more request to make. Look at my bathroom. Look at the trashcan. It is one of those little blue bathroom accessories and it matches the other accessories. There isn’t much in the bathroom trashcan. Some cotton balls, maybe a Kleenex or two, the packaging from an eyeliner I recently bought.

A few months ago a certain hot one night stand threw his condom in the trash on top of all the q-tips, and since I was pretty much passed out in the bedroom after a fantastic orgasm (thanks!), he then got dressed and left. Several hours later, around 4 a.m. I got one of those emergency calls to go pick up my recent ex, who had been in a car crash--nothing dangerous--and was unable to drive home. He was upset, and lonely and of course I brought him to my house because I thought he needed company. I did not know at this point that there was a used condom staring up out of my bathroom trashcan. As you can imagine, my ex was less than thrilled and I did not get any sleep that night.

I also occasionally have more than one one-night-stand in a weekend. I do try to clean up after them, but sometimes with the hangover and the going out again, things are not as tidy as I would like them to be. And when I bring a guy home, a used condom in the trash is not really a sexy accessory. I know, it’s my house and I should clean it. I know, I’m a slut (but you weren’t complaining last night). So, given that the bathroom is full of handy things like toilet paper and Kleenex, would you mind terribly wrapping the condom up before you throw it away? I promise to give you a great blow job in exchange for your consideration.